pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
