we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize