Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
