Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
