would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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