If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
