you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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