Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize