Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
