you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
