Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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