So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
