Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
