My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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