ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize