Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
