So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
