he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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