During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
