I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
