so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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