can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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