I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
