She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
