So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
