what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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