WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
