yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
