Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
