i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
