Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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