had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
