We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
