I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
