Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
