Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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