What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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