I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize