ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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