FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
