we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
