My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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