i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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