Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
