Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
