my phone needs a breathalizer
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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