Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
