I'm so fucking centered right now
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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