are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
