I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
