we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
