Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
