a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
