I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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