I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Rumble strips road head = magical
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
