youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize