She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
