i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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