If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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