It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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