just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
