I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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