i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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