in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want nice things and good sex
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
