I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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