i need an iv and a liver transplant
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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